How to become
a better parent First lets define what a better parent is.
To become better at anything you must first have a standard that you measure yourself against. In this case its not yourself that you are measuring, it's your children and their behaviour that you are measuring.
Up to their mid-teens parents are responsible for the upbringing of their children. Their attitudes and behaviour can be a reflection upon you.
When they were very young did you give them everything they asked for? Did you deny them all that they asked for? Did you over protect them from night time worries? Did you not reassure them of night time worries?
The list of shoulds and should nots is endless when dealing with the needs of our children. Each and every child is an individual and unique in their character, but their fundamental needs can be met by understanding their basic requirements as small people. Thats what a child is, a smaller version of yourself who knows very little of life as you know it, but who knows a lot about hunger, warmth and love. These are basic to every child.
As a parent you can satisfy these basic needs of your child. You feed the child when it is hungry, you clothe and show unconditional love.But then what? The rest of your child's wants, not needs, will determine how your child launches into the adult world.
 This brings us to the question "What is the difference between a need and a want?"
A need is something you cannot do without i.e. food, warmth, love. A want is something you can do without i.e. a television, a new car. You may say "Thats not true I need my television, I can't live without it." Yes you can, you can survive without a television, maybe not to your normal quality of life, but you will survive.
A good parent will understand that their prime role is to prepare their children for their independence when they finally join the adult world. A good parent makes sure that their child can cope in the outside world. That they know how to behave in society, they know how to communicate to others effectively, they know where to go to learn more on any subject, they know how to catch a bus, taxi or train., they know how to look after themselves with personal hygiene, and general health.
All of these must be taught to your child for you to become a parent who is confident in their child's ability to survive in the adult world.
| A few tips on
raising a family The family environment you grew up in will influence the way you run your family. Sometimes you will agree with your parental upbringing and sometimes you will not agree.
Either way it will still influence the way you raise your family. Whichever way you chose, from your childrens point of view, you will probably never be right. So that's the first tip, don't let your childrens demands make you give in. You are the adult, you know the consequences of any actions.
Your child, no matter how old is a new person into the world with limited or no experience of certain situations.
You as the adult member of the family should show a commanding role over your children, but not a domineering one.
Your authority should be strong. If you say something should or should not be done by your child, then you must make it happen. Not by force, by the application of consequences, if the event does not happen.
As an example, a child refuses to eat their dinner, they much prefer the desert. Most parents would deny the child the desert, or give in to the child and forgo the dinner. A better way would be to let the child eat the desert first and then their dinner on condition that if they did not eat their dinner then there would be no deserts for a week, no sweets, chocolates or crisps.
Having an understanding, or a rule in this way, and stick by it, you will gain respect from the child and they will understand the consequences of their actions.
Avoiding confrontations in your family environment is a more harmonious way to live. Having a few rules and conditions, not to many. Introducing consequenses for your actions and other family member actions put a different perspective on family life.
Confrontations will still occur since we are all human and nothing is perfect, but at least you can keep problems down to an acceptable level.
Another tip. how many times has your child come into the kitchen whilst you are cooking? You have said how dangerous it is, but the child pays no attention. |
Just by the kitchen door point out the line between the kitchen flooring and the passageway flooring. Then say to your child. "When I am cooking you must not cross that line, if you do you will have no desert after your dinner, no late television viewing etc." You make the rules and stick by them. You could go the other way, but this is sometimes classed as bribing a child. You could say if you do not cross the line you can stay up an extra half hour to watch the television. Bribing can be a useful tool but it does have a downside. Your child could turn around one day and say. "I will only do that task if you pay me with a reward".
Consequences of our actions are always with us. It's knowing whether the consequences of a certain act will enhance or degrade our family life.
You can email for further advice on how to improve your family relationships.
introduction to relationships.
You might like to look at some books I have re-searched for you that will help.
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